When one often defines the status of a relationship with God, we are often caught up in the whimsical do’s and don’ts of traditional religion. Because of this, we often measure the dynamics of the relationship by the appearance of Christianity in our lives and not by the heart.Over the last several months, I have wrestled with many aspects of Christianity. I’d often ask, why do Christians hate? Why are so many of my unsaved friends “better” people than many Christians that I interact with. Looking over these questions, I see now why so many people are scarred by the church.The last year of my life has been the most hectic, crazed, and bizarre experience that I have had to date. Throughout the time of dealing between my doubts in christian life and staying alive in the other areas of my life, I was out of hours in the day. However, one thing that I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt is that when we are our weakest, God is his strongest. One day at 2 o’clock in the morning God opened my eyes to a long hidden truth: “You are Mine”It was this truth that revolutionized my walk with Christ. Yes, I was saved beforehand, read my bible all the time, and yet still struggled with doubts. However, this truth opened my eyes to fact that I was living two lives. Not in an intentional or Pharisaical way but I was not giving every aspect of my life to Christ. When he saved me on the cross, I gave him my life, but too often I wanted to hold some back. Now I felt as though he was asking me, to dare to live a moment entirely dedicated to him……and so I did.
I did what most secular people would consider going off the spiritual deep end. I cast all my fears, troubles, and my daily life at his feet. Ever since that night, it has been amazing watching what God has done. God has worked in ways that I never would have expected. Let me be clear, not what I have done, but what God has done through me. That is the key, absolute surrender is the only way to allow the holy spirit to work in your life. Jesus can not be the co-pilot fighting for air time, he needs to be the sole reason that we breathe. In short, we need to incorporate him into everything including our sins, families, jobs, hobbies, and anything else that takes our time in a day.Now a walk is a walk. A journey wouldn’t be a hard thing if everyday was same without challenge. Over the last several months, I have failed many times. I still struggle with doubts here and there and am at the bottom of the list for perfection. The good news is that for Christ, it isn’t about our failures but it is about us allowing him to pick us back up and striving not to make the same mistake. This is how we grow.That is why Christians and especially myself often get it wrong. We like to check of the list: read my bible, said a prayer, and we forget that we are trying to dictate our daily life. Those elements are key to a relationship with Christ but they have to be a part of our lives not just a check box. Learning to give up control is a daily struggle. I have to remind myself every day that I am not in control. When we do that, God shines his light through us. He allows us to love others with a love that we don’t have on our own because he fills our heart with his unfailing kindness. That is why Christians should look different. Showing the love of Christ to others, now that is the measure of a Christian walk with Christ.